You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
