I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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