You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
