The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
