That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
