My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
