Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
