and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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