Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
