don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My dick has a subreddit
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
