Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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