I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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