My nipple is on Facebook.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
