how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
