I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
