omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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