Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
