I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
