The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
