Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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