you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
