xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you bring me the toilet please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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