So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
