My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
