we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize