Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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