I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
