Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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