just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
