I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
