You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
