FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
