i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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