i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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