Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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