no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
