Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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