found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize