Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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