You work out of a Hotel?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
