do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
