it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
