I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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