I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
