I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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