what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
