I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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