Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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