Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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