Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
