I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
