Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
