I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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