I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
