She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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