i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
