Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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