that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
