I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
