Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
