All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
