the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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