Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
