Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
