So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
