I'm eating all of the evidence.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize