The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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