I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
