I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
