i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
