Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
