i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
40s are totally the cure
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
