I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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