apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
