i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
