just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
