when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
