yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
