Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
