Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
