He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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