My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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