Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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