Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
my liver is dry heaving
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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