i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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