Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
