So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
