I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
