Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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