I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
