Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize