the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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