At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
