We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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