what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
