She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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