Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
