Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
