fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
