I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
