there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
