Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize