All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
