also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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