I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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