I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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