Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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