My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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