My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
