I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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