Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize