So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
