there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize