is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
